Teflon Aardvark Coveralls

Is your Aardvark exposed to the elements? Has it got the sniffles this winter? Are all its Aardvark friends walking around snootily in their fashionable armour covering finery?

Your problem is solved with the brand new, limited edition, never to be released to the general public again Teflon Aardvark coveralls from Ardyteff Industries.

Yes, people will never look at your Aardvark the same again as it struts down the street to the local shops to buy a loaf of bread and a carton of milk, in its day-glo yellow height of fashion Aardvark wear.

Dogs will whimper, cats will miaow, and owls will hoot with pleasure as your Aardvark becomes the talk of the town. All the time you will have a smirk of snug satisfaction knowing that your Aardvark is totally protected (amid all the admiration) against all forms of warfare, biohazard, flood, fire, meteor strike and small children with pokey pokey sticks.

By now you are probably wondering how you can get your hands, paws, claw or detachable prostheses on such a desirable item? Well hop on over to the Ardyteff Indutries website and there will be a live video-Elephant ready to take your order.

Your Aardvark will never be the same. I guarantee it.

Authentic Four and Twenty Black Birds Pie Maker

So you’ve sung the song time and time again, and its now so ingrained in your pre-frontal lobe that you’ve gotta get yourself some of those tasty blackbirds and bake them in a pie.

First problem:

You need some blackbirds…

Problem solved - BlackBirds4u.com has a wide selection of these winged pie ingredients ready for your baking pleasure. Just go to their site and fill in the secure order form.

The friendly people at BlackBirds4u.com will then personally whisper in the ears of your soon-to-be-pie-inhabiting flock, telling them that a tasty morsel awaits them on the bird table in your garden (it doesn’t matter if you actually have a bird table, blackbirds are notoriously dim-witted and will look for any table in the vicinity, which in this case is your table with the pie making equipement ready and waiting).

You should start to see the sky around your home darken to the sound of flapping within 24 hours. A Fedex van will arrive and deliver a large net which will allow you to catch any wiley stray blackbirds who are warey of your pie making table.

Second Problem:

You need to make a pie…

Problem solved - 420Piemaker.com has a deluxe pie maker ready and waiting for your blackbirds. It comes complete with an auto-cruster and beak remover. Contrary to popular belief the correct way to make a blackbird pie is to place the feet ‘legs up’, such that claws are displayed in a pleasing manner and pointing out accusingly at your guests. The removed beaks are then just pure decoration, or may be crispy fried as an entre.

Your pie maker will also include a free ‘sing-a-tron 2000′ so that when your pie is opened, the birds will indeed appear to be magically singing, even though their stunned, de-debeaked, ‘surprised to be dead and in a pie’ expressions would indicate otherwise.

Getting Hungry?

Hamster Dragster – New Nitro Edition

For some small rodents, a wheel or a ball is not enough. Your Hamster has a need, a need for speed!

Introducing new Nitro Hamster Dragsters from SpeedRat.com. Your Hamster will never be the same again once it has been accelerated by this little chrome encrusted beauty.

I just got one delivered, for Mr Dibbles, my own personal furry friend. Sure he surveyed it suspiciously with just one beady eye (the other having been unfortunately lost at sea in remote controlled speed boating accident), but I could see in his one fully functioning peeper, he was genuinely intrigued.

It came with a free and rather cute helmet and fire retardent suit. Once Mr Dibbles had wiggled squeakily into it he seemed quite happy and maybe even a little chuffed to be donning such stylish gear. The cute little lightning bolts boldly emblazoned on the back also added tastefully to the ‘go faster’ ensemble.

Once kitted up, Mr Dibbles was ready for launch. The Dragster comes fully assembled and fuelled. The Nitro booster itself is rather refreshingly decorated with all manner of warning labels, replete with skulls and exclamation marks, promising a grisley end to those who inspect it far too closely. This did not phase Mr Dibbles in the least who just sat in the cockpit, nibbling on a sunflower seed through a specially designed flap in his helmet visor.
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